A sad goodbye

I am laying in bed anxiously trying to sleep and I couldn't help but think.  Over the past eight weeks there was always that part of me that has wanted to go home, so see the people I love and care about, to be comfortable and warm, to see the beach and everything else that home holds.  But no matter what, I think I always knew that when it came down to this last day, I was going to be sad about leaving.  I really loved being here.  In my suburban sprawl world, I have never been able to go days without riding in car.  In Cambridge, you can walk everywhere: to the movies, starbucks, school, the mall, the open market, to actually do fun things around town!  I was able to wake up and walk next door to knock on my friends door to go eat with me.  My professors knew my name and gave me feedback on my work, my questions, and my comments.  I participated in class each and every day.  I will miss the beautiful grounds at Cambridge, the church bells, the classes, my friends that I met here, Nandos, my room, the cafe, and that feeling that if I wanted to, I could just go outside the school walls and go do something for a few minutes.  I didn't spend hours driving each day, or worry about my cell phone, or what I was getting for lunch and dinner.  I also realize that this is not a realistic life.  But it was really a great experience for these last 5 weeks.  I think that it will take a little while to look back on the trip as a whole and see the ways I have grown.  If anything I have gotten to know myself a lot better- some of it good, some of bad.  I haven't liked finding out how much I worry and stress.  This blog itself is a testament to that anxiety.  I can't sleep because I am too worried about oversleeping, forgetting something, turning in my keys and then accidentally locking myself into Cambridge, getting harassed my the drunk men in the streets, walking the streets at 3 in the morning, not finding my bus, and missing the bus.  I will worry for the next few hours over an event that will take 15 minutes.  Worrying is one of my biggest problems.  I took a personality test and I scored as melancholic and neurotic.  Who wants to be friends with someone who is melancholic and neurotic?  Luckily, I found a few people who put up with it for 5 weeks.  5 hours until I begin walking to the bus stop, 8 until I get to Heathrow, and about 24 until I see Kevin at the LAX!